Well I am a little late on getting this out this week, mainly due to the fact that little C and I have had horrid colds. With C being completely wiped out, loosing her voice and having a throat infection. But enough about that I really want to tell you the following:
I had one those moments with little C this week that I will always remember and cherish, where I realised that I am not a bad or useless mother!!! I went out for the first time leaving my daughter with a babysitter from nursery (she was amazing but it was the first time she had sat for me) and went out on my best friends hen do, while my hubby was on the stag do in Manchester. Never before have we been apart in separate cities and left our daughter in the care of someone else.
It was a little tough getting out the house making everyone late for our meal, C was very aware I was going out and totally thrown by the fact a nursery staff member was in our house.
When I arrived home slightly tipsy at the ungodly hour of wait for it ...... 12:30pm, I am not a huge drinker due to my medication and I let my hair down a little to much, my gorgeous little C padded down the hallway at 1:20 in the morning calling out "Mummy where are you I need you" I picked her up and she snuffled into my neck and started snoring heartily (one trate she picked up from her dad I wish she had NOT!!!) all the while me telling her how much I loved her with tears poring down my face, I know I know it was probably the alcohol!
But never before have I felt so needed and loved, my heart swelled to such proportions I thought it would burst. Not since my wedding day and the birth of beautiful little C have I felt this way.
I know alcohol induces strong emotions and as a practical non drinker it will effect me more, I feel that with or without it I would have been in floods of tears with a swollen heart for I finally felt like I had been accepted as a mother, and by the one person who I wanted the approval of the most, my daughter and she is only 2, I finally feel like she knows I am doing the very best I can. That I am not just the one who has to administer the discipline in our house and play bad cop to Daddy's good cop, that all the routines we follow are for her good.
Man how is it that someone so little make you feel so much emotion, it is phenomenal what what motherhood can do to you!
I love you my gorgeous little C
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